Seasoned FIFO worker still has laundry trust issues years after leaving the game

Thommo earned the nickname tomahawk on site after shoving his fist in one of his steel caps and trying to chop down the donga door of a bloke he suspected of pinching his socks out of the washing machine.

He wasn’t always like this but years of FIFO communal laundry have finally taken their toll on the big orse. After the incident, his superiors sat him down and decided the company had better use for him back in Perth.

It’s never easy putting such a glorious stallion out to pasture but they all knew that he was one laundry-feud away from making the news. Not to mention if someone flogged his ice-cold can of Monster again.

It has been 2 years since that fateful day and he now lives a far more placid life down in Perth.

Unfortunately, he still carries the scars of the camp laundry life with him and has developed significant trust issues. He told The Times,

“Little switch goes off in me head everytime I’m in a laundry ay. It’s like a voice is telling me it’s every man for himself and all these rotten dogs are out to fark ya mate. Who leaves a man’s half washed load on the floor and not put it in the dryer? Where did we go wrong as a sociiiiieeeeeety”

Thommo’s issues are well-known in his house. We spoke to his housemate who said he’d often catch him on a chair in the laundry after falling asleep waiting for a load to finish. Star picket in hand. He told The Times,

“General rule is you don’t go near the laundry if he has put a load in. Or the line for that matter, I grabbed the wrong pair of bamboo socks and when I came home he’d blown a load in every single pair of my socks in my drawer in retaliation. He also left about 6 notes saying sock dogs will be put down”

We asked Thommo if he thought he would ever be able to chill in a laundry environment again.

He said that’s what he’s hoping to convince a Magistrate after being charged with pouring a full box of washing powder in a caravan park laundrette dryer after he suspected a bloke stole his brand spankin’ Alpha briefs.

In reality, he’d only packed one pair for the fortnight.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?