Mr. Bunnings weekend warrior admits he considers renting a trailer to be admitting defeat 

“Renting a trailer is like letting the man next to you at the urinal hold your dick when you have a piss. That’s not the kind of man I am”, Don said while trying to stuff a couple of tiki torches into his car. 

According to Don, Trailers are for men who aren’t inventive enough to jam pack their sedans with all the supplies they just picked up from Bunnings on the weekend. 

Considering himself somewhat of a “Tetris-master”, Don is routinely seen driving away from his favourite store with enough shit hanging out the window to cause to destroy a coupla no claim bonuses in his wake. 

We caught up with Don who was trying to squeeze in a couple of large houseplants he just purchased from Bunnings, he told The Times,

“Death before dishonour! I will never, let me repeat that, I will NEVER rent a trailer to transport anything. You’re talking to a guy who strapped a dishwasher to his roof last year. I’m a master”

Don comes from a long line of trailer dodgers. We spoke to his dad who said he taught his son everything he knows,

“Renting a trailer is both expensive and time-consuming. Why bother when you can cram it into your car? 80% of the time you don’t get pinged by the cops so over your lifetime you are coming out ahead”

According to Don, the hate he receives on the road doesn’t faze him,

“Yeah you get a lot of heroes trying to stop me leaving the car park and even more honking and calling me shitforbrains but they are just jealous they don’t have the gumption to get everything home without the use of some trailer”

It should be noted that Don honed his skills on the verge pick-up scab scene and considers himself to be one of the finest occy-strappers in the game. 

Just don’t ask him about the time he caused a “not insignificant” traffic incident on the freeway when his load was proven to be unsecured.

“Every champion has their off day, mate”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?