Coldplay frontman Chris Martin has left enamored with the Perth coastal suburb of Butler after a quick visit yesterday with the band.
Referring to the suburb as “the best thing since actual Britain”, Martin was quick to put the deposit down on his own little slice of paradise. He was even more stoked that he could choose between a number of pre-existing templates for his dream home. Adding,
“I walked around Butler and I thought, what a vibe! It manages to capture all the bleakness of England while still being near a beach I’ll never use because this country is too damn hot. That’s living, Barry, as you lot say!”
After putting down the deposit, Martin called the rest of his band members and told them about the opportunities in Perth’s Northern sprawl.
Within an hour, every member had been on the blower to their accountants and had snapped up their own house & land package right next door to their charismatic leader. A spokesperson for Guy Berryman told The Times,
“I think the house & land package lifestyle is a lot like the hotel room lifestyle we are used to. By that I mean we can hear each other going to the toilet every morning! What a privilege to hear in intimate detail Chris’ morning turd”
After the tour, it’s believed Martin will take some time out to make the most of his new property. Even though developers say that it could be a “concrete slab” for the foreseeable future.
He was surprisingly zen about this and told The Times that a concrete slab was heaven compared to your average London accommodation. Adding,
“The local Woolies has a British section and the chippy and pub and British themed. Give me a slab in Australia over an apartment in shithole England any day of the week. I’ve got everything I need”
We understand that Martin is now on his way to Rockingham after hearing about another enclave of British expats.
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