Reports are streaming in that Brisbane locals have decided to skip the most important meal of the day after a weekend that has rocked their self-confidence.
In surreal scenes, 3 Queensland teams failed to get up in their respective Grand Finals. The Lions in the AFL, Broncos in the NRL, and the Titans in the NRLW. We spoke to a Brisbane local who couldn’t bear to look his egg eater in the face this morning,
“I just knew the egg would probably beat me. I can’t take that risk man. I really need a win right now. We were riding such a glorious wave and then those grubs over in Collingwood and Broncos took us down a peg”
Another Brisbane man declined his morning glory ritual over fears his meat would beat him. He got up frustrated and dejected. He told The Times,
“I wasn’t up for the job, mate. I reckon I’d get to the final 5 minutes and struggle to hold on or blow the lead or something. It’d end up being me that was sufficiently beaten. I feel like total shit man, I just wish there was a time machine”
Calm down Uncle Rico.
Similarly, a Brissy woman left for work at 3 am because she was so unsure she’d be able to beat the morning traffic. She told The Times,
“It’s a tough weekend to be a Queenslander and especially a Brissy local. Maybe we should have sacrificed someone to Streets Beach. I normally leave at 8 am for work but yeah, my confidence is shook. For the record, I still didn’t manage to beat the traffic because everyone had the same self-esteem issues and left at the same time!”
Tough times indeed. Get up and shake it off Queensland and don’t think about the fact your beaches will always come second to Westralian ones.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?