Bill has suffered a further blow to his family footy time after recently returning from a 2 week family gathering suspension for taking a drunken hanger on his 12 year old nephew.
It was unanimously voted that Bill would no longer be invited to watch the footy with the rest of the family on the weekend until the umpire dissent rule is relaxed.
Bill’s sister initiated the tough vote and told The Times,
“Bill isn’t great to watch the footy with at the best of times. It’s like he views umpires as his mortal enemy and he gets really worked up. So you can only imagine the state he gets himself into with some of these atrocious 50m’s being paid”
By all reports, Bill crossed the line from “passionate” footy fan to a “raging beast” when an unfavourable 50m for dissent was awarded against the Eagles.
Bill’s brother-in-law told The Times,
“The best way I can describe it is that Bill turns into this irate crab like creature. His head is red from rage and he’s scuttling around the living room swearing like a sailor who stubbed their toe. It’s quite a spectacle but distressing for the youngins”
Of course, not everyone in the family agrees. Bill’s brother suggests he should be kept close because lord only knows what his temper will lead him to do unchecked. Adding,
“2 weeks ago he was on some internet forum trying to find out umpires’ home addresses or phone numbers. I just think if he’s in the living room doing his ‘nana then at least we can monitor him and call him a fkn idiot”
Bill isn’t alone in feeling frustrated by the often inconsistently applied rule. Nevertheless, Bill’s position that umpires should be forced to live in cages under the Narrows Bridge is at odds with the culture the AFL is trying to foster.
Bill says he feels victimised by the ban but understands he can be a bit of a handful to watch the footy with. He told The Times,
“They have to stop messing with the game! It’s becoming unwatchable. Literally, because I smashed my new flatscreen 2 weeks ago by lobbing a full tin at it. That’s why this ban really hurts. I think I’ll just go to the game today and jump the fence as an outlet for my issues”
Luckily for potential umpires, Bill’s sprint isn’t what it used to be so it’s unlikely he’ll get anywhere near a “white maggot” as he so affectionately calls them.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
