Frank from Balcatta offers to help Coles out with cash issues if Armaguard fall through

Good ol’ Frank from Balcatta has extended an offer that Coles can’t refuse after he heard they were having issues with cash deliveries.

Coles has blamed the halt of cash deliveries on the fact Armaguard is looking like it might go under.

As a result, withdrawal limits have been slashed by half and Coles won’t be getting any cash deliveries until after Easter.

We spoke to Frank who claimed he had vast cash supplies and would agree to bail Coles out of their predicament if they agreed to a more than fair 30% cash interest on repayment. He told The Times,

“They want a’fucken cash, I gota fucken cash! Who this Armaguard? They don’t have what Frank has! You take deal, 30% it’s a good deal, you’re a good boy”

Under the arrangement, Frank will assign a lemon tree to each Coles store and be around to collect his interest the minute they open their doors after the Easter long weekend.

We asked Frank what would happen if Coles didn’t pay the loan back on time. He told us,

“I’ma always on the lookout for new fertiliser. You no pay, you feed the lemon trees but you pay, you a gooda boy”

An ominous warning indeed.

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