Infamous stinge, Kyle, is once again looking to pull off the perfect ruse this Grand Final day. His plan is simple, to slip his disgusting froffs into the icy mix and then drink like a king on the better tinnies on offer.
It seems Kyle managed to acquire 7 TED stubbies from an old esky left over from a camping trip in 2021. A devout disciple of the philosophy of “waste not want not” Kyle has loaded the wretched bottles into his backpack and will hit the communal esky upon arrival.
We spoke to the host who has witnessed Kyle’s shameless beer swapping for as long as he can remember. He told The Times,
“This guys got more money than the rest of us. Probably because he’s never bought a carton in his life. Mate, I bought a Royal Haze. If you think I’m going to be happy about trading some for a dirty bottle of piss water then you have another thing coming”
Similarly, we spoke to Dani who had bought a selection of refreshing sours. She told The Times,
“Just watch him. He’ll always drink one of his disgusting beers at the start to create the illusion he’s satisfied with the filth he’s brought. He’ll strike when the game is heating up and everyone is occupied. Sometimes he even pours the superior beers on offer into a glass. Guy drives a 2021 Hilux. Fkn cheapcunt”
It’s not just the TEDs that Kyle plans to slip into mix. He’s also come armed with a 8 pack of the cheapest snags he could find. However, he’ll almost certainly being honing in on those delightful butcher snags you bought.
We spoke to Kyle who was fist-pumping after finding a “barely” used tub of dip in his fridge, he told The Times,
“They should be paying me to go to their party. I always bring the entertainment. I get hell pissed and I’m the only one who can cook a bbq properly. So what if I switch out the dogshit beers I brought?”
To date, Kyle has burned every single GF day bbq. On account of the whole “gets hell pissed” thing.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?