What your favourite piece of iconic Perth architecture says about you

East Perth Public Transport Centre – your lust for a brutalist lifestyle knows no bounds. Your parents probably played death metal to you instead of lullabies. You don’t understand why no one wants to pat your pet snake. More on the brutal old girl HERE.

The Blue Boatshed – when it comes to originality you’re about as inspired as an Aldi Burger Hoop. One day you’ll have your wedding photos taken at the boatshed if you can find someone who can tolerate your basicness enough. More on ol Bluey HERE.

South Fremantle Power Station – you like to live on the edge the same way someone who returns library books late does. You hope your snaps of the old girl will give your photoblog an edgy urban feel but you’ll still cross the road if you see someone wearing Adidas track pants coming your way. Like this girl HERE.

East Perth Power Station – you’re probably a billionaire trying to pay $1 for the rights to turn it into some gentrified wank-living-complex that could only appeal to the most insufferable of inner city sausage dog types.  More on the station HERE.

Curtin House Perth – you’re angry, hard, and have a face only a mother could love. Probably why you joined the police force. Well, that’s until you were booted for not playing well with others. Now you work privately and know every single piece of case law on the definition of “self-defence”. 

The Rockingham Hotel – mentally, you’re still living in an old mate utopia. Where a punter’s pub was his castle with a vast car park of shitbox Falcons & Commodores to peruse while you smoked a real man’s cigarette. None of this vape malarky. Your time will come again if they don’t try to gentrify it. 

The Bell Tower – your first partner told you size didn’t matter and you really took that to heart. Sure, the original plans for the BT would’ve meant it wouldn’t be eclipsed by bogan vacay-towers but it’s HOW you use it, right?

Woolstores Freo – you fancy yourself a Freo connoisseur. No one born after you or following Freo Massive knows as much about what’s currently wrong with Freo and what used to be great about Freo as you. You will happily dedicate many hours from your busy schedule to educate people on this fact. 

Telstra Exchange – you’re a high octane adrenaline junkie that can’t go past the building without wondering what it’d be like to go out in a blaze of glory on your trust skateboard. Kick flipping into eternity and forever being known as the person that did what everyone thought about.

Fremantle Prison – both prisons and yesteryear have a special place in your heart. Probably because you were a Metros Freo specialist who honed their fightcraft in the HJs after another spilled-drink-related fracas. At one stage you had the dubious honour of being known by every bounce and cop working in Freo. 

The Bankwest Tower – you have exquisite taste. What a marvel of architecture. It’s a shame the mantle has been passed to South32 (whoever the fark they are) as the old blue BW insignia was so Perf it hurt. A true icon. Get it up ya. 

Central Park Tower – you’re a corporate miner who is probably still nursing a fairly gnarly hangover from Diggers & Dealers. You love the fact it’s the tallest building in Perth which is a handy metaphor for your ego. 

Dingo Flour Mill – you wouldn’t say you’re a fan of everything Alan Bond did but compared to that WA Inc. caper you’ll gladly whack the Dingo logo on a t-shirt and profit off Perth’s iconic imagery and take credit for it. On a side note, you can’t hear a single bad word about the supremacy of Leighton Beach and will happily escalate the debate to blows if need be. 

The Old Mill South Perth – you’re a rusted on South Perth resident that wants to keep the suburb in the 1800s for as long as you possibly can. Nothing irritates you more than new pubs trying to enter and if you had your way you’d freeze all future developments in the area – you already have enough trouble navigating your large Mercedes sedan around. 

Pinky Beach Lighthouse – technically the Bathurst Point lighthouse but that’s how you remember it for, you filthy little sand gremlin. This brilliant lighthouse was not only an orientation point for you but a reminder of that time you were young, free, and not afraid of a sandy crevice. More on Pinkies HERE.

Castle Fun Park – admittedly not Perth but that’s the way you like it. You’re rough around the edges but have an inner sense of fun that no one cares for. Hey, it’s not your fault you enjoy high-speed chases through Mandurah before hiding out in the bush overnight because you ram-raided another convenience store. You do you, man. 

Maylands Brickworks – you believe the Western Australian dream is double brick. You cannot be convinced that the style is unsuitable for the hot WA summer and if you’re honest would consider a 3rd layer just to really turn your dwelling into a pizza oven during the hotter months. 

The Highgate Fart Tower –  you have an anti-authoritarian streak and you love nothing more than when the Government shits the bed. The Lincoln Street Ventilation Stack fits that bill perfectly. It was poorly designed and on the right day would blanket the surrounding area in a thick stench of sewage. What a slam dunk by the Metro Water Supply, Sewerage & Drainage Department. More on the tower HERE.

Any given house in the City of Stirling – *makes aggressively Italian hand gestures* your heart is still in the old country. Your concrete palaces represent true beauty and you believe that your driveway can never be moist enough. Just how your Nonno likes it. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?