IN FOCUS: Jiffy Food Vans

Colonic health experts hated them! Because Jiffy food vans cleared Perth’s bowels without the need for an expensive appointment.

From 1972 – 2017, there was a certain magic in the air when Jiffy honked its horn to alert the Hi-Vis hogs that the trough of uninspiring Australian canteen food was about to be filled. In its day, it was undisputed that Jiffy reigned supreme.

Just ask any worker who enjoyed the smoko of champions – a well-aged pie, a pack of darts and a lukewarm ice coffee that could be heard working its magic in portaloos all across Perth’s industrial & construction sites.

Some say you’ve never truly had a pie until it has been served to you by a small team of stressed-out workers who desperately needed to quickly feed your pie-hole before rushing to the next site. It was that fear in their eyes that made the difference.

Oh and to make matters sweeter, you got to pay far more than any human ever should for canteen food. Absolute gee-up.

Why did Aussie workers pay too much for uninspiring food? Well, Jiffy really understood how Perth operated – a strict 30minute lunch break and a sprawling expanse that meant you’d have to stuff a large Roota meal while racing back if you had any hope of avoiding a reprimand for the sin of taking 2 extra minutes on your break.

We are such a laid back country, aren’t we? Get back to work slave. No one’s paying you to enjoy some basic human dignity like an enjoyable lunch break.

Just as the faint memory of Jiffy had almost fully faded, we find ourselves in the grips of a Covid-19 stranglehold. This shitcunt of a virus has closed everything we once loved – and the idea of a van delivering Mars Bars and darts has stoked our slobbish wiles.

Could Jiffy rise from the ashes like a mighty Phoenix and feed our City’s disgusting bain-marie mammals? Probably not but we can dream.