Every now and then a beverage cements itself as cirrhosis on the overburdened liver of Australia’s drinking culture.
Sure there is stronger & cheaper piss on the market but the main advantage Little Fat Lamb is it’s easily consumable by overgrown sperms who think spitting outside a shopping centre is the benchmark of “hard’.
In the days where your balls have just dropped like they are the hottest Rolf Harris search history of 2020, Little Fat Lamb becomes a surrogate bravado for you. Hey, its got an 8% on the can, nevermind it tastes sweeter than a pineapple addict’s baby gravy.
8% for $8 mind you. Why so cheap? Well, that’s because no one knows what it’s made from and isn’t classified an RTD. See, Kevin Rudd may have given us all some summer drug money back in 2009 but he also turkey slapped the nation with the most horseshit policy of all time – the alcopop tax. Suddenly, any RTD beverage costs more than the payouts for his insulation batt death snafu. Ya fucked us, Kevin.
To acquire the nectar of the pleb-gods you will probably need to enlist that cool dude you know who is 23, drives a thrashed out Skyline and if you let him out of your sight for 20mins he’ll have your year 12 girlfriend riding shotgun as he does laps of a Macca’s carpark.
Once loaded up on the Epstein juice box you’re free to impress school girls by going down to an inflatable waterpark designed for small children in Hillarys. Staunch 6 years and generally act like kids who go on to live in their car “between jobs”. Move over Flappy Bird, this is what’s hard.
After getting down to the dregs of your sugar-water you’ll typically have the confidence of Tony Abbott on a budgie heist. This is an excellent time to partake in some mindless vandalism, pass out in a pool of your own spew and with any luck flood your pants with the sweet urea of bad arsery.
Ensure you act like your parental punishment is some kind of hip hop movement, “#FREEDRAYVORN”. This won’t inspire pity amongst your parents, rather, a greater understanding for those boxes you can just dump unwanted infants in.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?