Perth has always been a city famous for not taking to public transport kindly. Maybe it’s the lack of connecting busses or maybe it’s because no one tells us what to do. Who knows. Nevertheless, the ones who do are having the real fun. Let’s go.
The rarest beast of all. We’ve heard rumours that you exist but no one has ever seen one in the wild. Most likely, you’ve burned every bridge in your life and no longer have anyone willing to give you a lift from the airport. A time-honoured Perth tradition.
Armadale & Thornlie
A true thrill seeker. You know that public transportation isn’t just about getting from point A to point B. No, it’s more like a mix between a particularly gruesome round of Jumanji and a mobile UFC octagon cage. You probably go for a BASE jump after just to calm down.
You’re a walking paradox. A public transport user from the Golden Triangle? You’re either an au pair or Most likely those morning Grey Gooses caught up to you and the State of WA no longer deem you fit to drive that Range Rover to the Boatshed, ay? That or you’re a Freo resident absolutely crippled by the cost of Ubers because your Perth mates never visit you.
It ain’t the London tube that you will no doubt go to great lengths to point out. You’re either on your way to an English Premier League exhibition match or you’re one more blocked Freeway commute away from an infrastructure-induced meltdown that will end up looking like the crescendo to Michael Douglas’ Falling Down.
Your local nightclubs have had an absolute gutful of yourself so you’re taking your unique brand of staunchery on tour. To Northbridge to be exact. Also a reasonable chance you’re on your way to the airport but couldn’t afford another Taxi because you got the plane cancelled the day before.
You’re taking full advantage of living in the eastern gentrification belt. You paid good money to live near a train line and you’ll lie to yourself every day that it’s how you want to be commuting. That or you’ve outgrown the Midland judicial system and have upgraded your game to District Court levels. wipes away a tear They grow up so fast.
The Mythical Ellenbrook (lol)
You’re a dreamer. You hold onto the belief that one day Metronet will come good on their promise to connect you to the rest of Perth and when that day comes may god help everyone in your way.
Perth – Bunbury
A line that connects Armadale to Bunbury ay. Bet you don’t want anyone looking in that little bum bag you have strapped to your chest, bud. Or perhaps the terms of your E-Plate don’t allow you to travel to regional WA and you just have to meet your 18-year-old at Groovin’ the Moo. You’re 38.
Perth – Kalgoorlie (The Prospector)
What can be said about you that hasn’t already been said about an old saddle? You’re rough, leathery, and not discerning on who rides you. You don’t see 7 hour journey as a slog rather as an opportunity to give Boonie a run for his money in the bevvies on transportation game.
Perth – Merredin (Wheatbelt)
You are impossible to please when it comes to precipitation. They say they’ll eventually figure out the precise number of rain drops that’ll satisfy a farmer but as of now the figure is not known. You were also probably expelled from a Perth boarding school for bringing a little too much country energy to the metro.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?