Metronet hires 1000s of aggro FIFO workers to give public an authentic airport line experience on open day

To celebrate the opening of the long overdue Airport Line, Metronet has pulled out all the stops to ensure the day is a success. They will be offering free travel and of course, an authentic taste of what the airport line will actually be like. 

1000s of FIFO workers have been offered overtime if they’d come and sit on the train in their full red dirt-ridden kit and FIFO it up any way they know how. We spoke to a Metronet spokesperson who told The Times,

“We don’t want to interfere with their artistic direction on the acting. We have two basic groups though – FIFOs en route to the airport and FIFOs absolutely busting at the balls to start their time off on fly-out day. Clearly, there will be different but similarly menacing energies”

We spoke to Daxlyyn who accepted the extra coin (and a sizable quantity of vape juice) he told The Times,

“They said I could bark at some tourist who got too close to me. I told em no farken problem. I actually fly out tomorrow ay, so I’m legitimately pissed off I’m spending me last day doing this but coins good ay”

Similarly, a tired & sleep deprived Joshuwah has been asked to play the role of the agitated FIFO worker on his way home to start his break. He told The Times,

“Gonna bump a bitta gear to really give the performance of my life ha ha, get out of my way!!!! If anycunt slows me down from getting to the cas I’ll go em. They want real they’ll get real”

The public can also enjoy the authentic smells of the FIFO train with most of the people hired coming off a solid 2 weeks of camp food. Guts will be dancing and crops will be dusted.

It won’t stop at smells, with Metronet considering cranking up the heat to replicate the true summer experience. FIFO’s on board will pounce on anyone looking hot & bothered to give them a stern lecture on how they have shitfabrains and they wouldn’t know hot if it bit em in the arse. (Read more HERE)

On the flip side, we spoke to Monaro-Leyla, a female FIFO worker named after her father’s favourite cars. She told The Times,

“I’ll be spending most of the trip doing TikTok videos about the life of a FIFO worker. The sooner I become famous the sooner I can stop riding the FIFO train”

A handy reminder for all non-FIFOs today: Public Transport Etiquette 101