“I’m not above this”, Rybecca said before slipping on her favourite Oodie while getting ready to smash a few froffs at the pub. A perfect compliment to her Kmart brand Uggs and leggings that had frankly, seen better days.
The garb was well seasoned with a coating of Chicken Twistie dust, Pepsi Max and cat hair but Rybecca really didn’t give a shit at this stage. Nevertheless, it didn’t have any of the big 3 bodily fluids so it was ready to go.
While covering the “hooded blanket” with a thick coating of Impulse body spray, Rybecca told The Times,
“The weather is offensive right now. I love the girls and I want to see them but I am not braving those conditions without the only thing keeping me alive right now. It’s my rock, it’s my everything”
So nonchalant in wearing a glorified wank-rag, Rybecca didn’t even bother to see if the wearable blanket was allowed by the venue, telling The Times,
“Take me as I am or don’t take me at all. If I really couldn’t care less at this stage. Do you know how hard it was to get out of the shower just to get changed? Why did I even agree to this?”
Luckily for Rybecca, a few of her friends also threw in the towel while deciding what to wear tonight. Bianca had squeezed herself into a 2005 Leavers’ hoodie. Jessyka was wearing tracky dacks and every reliable Lani was rocking her hubby’s beloved Jim Beam beanie without a single hint of shame.
Lani channelled the spirit of her hubby’s headwear and double parked Jimmy stubbies all night. Telling The Times,
“I really don’t care what any of these people think about me. Yeah, I’m not winning any fashion awards but at least my head hasn’t literally frozen”
By all reports, Rybecca doesn’t understand why she hasn’t pulled this move sooner, adding,
“It was fantastic, no creep leered at me, I could smoke outside without succumbing to the elements and I reckon my Oodie has picked up a few leftover chips for me to enjoy later, winning”
There you have it. Impossible is nothing.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?