“This is the worst thing to happen to anyone, ever”, Perth man Ben mused as he lamented his situation in a dripping pool of self-pity.
As it transpires, bin day is for tomorrow for Ben and leaving ‘em out tonight is a sure-fire recipe to give his street a delightful trash makeover.
So he’s forced to make a decision, potentially create a giant mess and expose himself for the chicken ovenable-munching slob he is? Or get up early on his day off to put his bin out.
It was obvious the decision was vexing Ben greatly as he became more and more agitated at the thought of a 5:55 am wake up. He told The Times,
“The Perth storm will rue the day it crossed me. Make my word, I will have my revenge. Gabriel’s horn will blow and a day of great reckoning will be upon it”
Ben’s neighbour said he was a bit concerned for the wellbeing of the lad after he saw him pacing around his yard screaming obscenities are the sky, telling The Times,
“He was pretty pissed he had to get up early to take his bin out. It didn’t help much when I asked him if he could take my bin out while he was at it. A flip really switched ya know”
Frothing at the mouth, Ben continued to rant at the heavens that he never gets a solid day off and he has half a mind to let the streets run red with his trash. Urging the Great Perth Storm to “do its worst” before calling it a “cocksuckinsunnovacunt”.
In retrospect, Ben wishes he had maintained a better relationship with the tradie across the road. Instead, he left him a note last month telling him to stfu in the mornings or he’ll key his ute.
Naturally, the tradie was able to identify ben as the letter writer via his CCTV setup. Ben told The Times,
“Yeah, he would’ve been perfect for the task but what are ya gonna do. He’s on my revenge list anyway. You seen Falling Down? That’s about where I’m at”
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