A consultancy firm in Perth’s CBD has taken novel measures to help motivate staff to come into the office a few times a week after growing comfortable with WFH during recent months.
The first cornerstone of the scheme will be HR tolerating a few cheeky froffs before the sun hits its highest point. Saying that the freedom to “take the edge off” was a major reason WFH became so popular. Adding,
“Obviously, we are trusting our staff not to take the piss here but if a cold one gets you over that pre-lunch hump then we’ll allow it. You can’t go against the grain of progress and many of our staff have seen the other side, and it’s glorious”
Rising star and client favourite Reece said it was “about time” and swears that a strategic bevvy at around 11:45am was the key to his success. He told The Times,
“You know you get to that point where your 3rd coffee has started playing tricks on you and the existential dread of being stuck punching the clock to further some ultimately pointless endeavour sets in? Well, I just knock the top off a froff and I’m back baby and I’m sealing deals all ove the shop”
Stage 2 of the scheme is to relax the dress code to try to reduce some of the shock caused by squeezing into uncomfortable workwear when you’ve been smashing your KPI’s in your piss-stained trackies all week.
HR manager and general stick in the mud, Tanya said this part of the plan troubled her but she believed it was for the greater good. Telling The Times,
“If the key to being productive is to crank the heater and email out tenders in your disgusting grundies then so be it. Ultimately, we are willing to make some allowances on our firm’s image if it means people are coming back to work and getting the job done”
WFH slob and motivated associate Karly welcomed the relaxation of the dress code and told The Times,
“I can finally wear an Oodie and do my work while shoving freshly baked sourdough in my gob. You really underestimate the toll keeping up appearances has on your motivation to drag your arse onto the train each day. This way, I can embrace my inner goblin and just focus on work”
HR will be trialling the two new policies this week with the hope of expanding the program to make the difference between coming into the office and WFH as seamless as possible.
One option they are toying with is the ability to “mute” coworkers in real life. Tanya told The Times,
“We all know the real benefit from WFH. You can just e-ignore the mouthbreathers you’re forced to work with. This obviously isn’t as easy in real life but we’re looking into ways to make it work. Perhaps a coloured bib that alerts your coworker to whether you will or will not be accepting any shit convos about their new bozo hobby or not. It’s a work in progress”
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