Colosseum-style battle royale planned between Langer & Aus players to boost attendance at Perth Stadium 

It’s no surprise that Perth Stadium is looking like a British dental waiting room. 35 degrees, expensive tickets, and a midweek test. Nevertheless, to avoid being made fun of by eastern state commentators Perth Stadium has come up with a novel way to boost attendance. 

At tea, an aggrieved Justin Langer will be let loose like a mighty lion on the Aussie cricket senior players who he feels plunged a knife into his back and helped have him ousted as coach earlier this year.

The battle royale will be particularly surprising given the supposed peace offering before the game. With Justin Langer shaking hands with players and presumably squashing the beef. We spoke to a spokesperson for Perth Stadium who told The Times,

“It’s all part of the theatre. Make people think it’s all OK and then BOOM they are watching Langer chase Cummins around the paddock with a stump raised like a spear. That’s entertainment. Are you not entertained???”

A source close to the Aussie captain Cummins said he was prepared for glory and understood his role in creating a quality spectacle. He told The Times,

“Cummins thought the battle to echo through eternity might disrupt the following session but realised that ultimately it had to be done. The WA public wants it. Langer probably wants it and the players want it. It’s time to sort it out”

CA has condemned the spectacle. Suggesting that it would be much better for their PR if everyone just moved on from their cowardly, pissweak decision to cut a champion coach down in his prime. All of the sin of winning. 

A spokesperson for Perth Stadium said that they actually had a surprise for some of the CA officials,

“If Langer deals with the players too quickly we’re going to throw one of those bloated suits in. It will be a feeding frenzy for the WA legend. We hope to wrangle Kerry O’Keefe to give the ultimate thumbs up or down”

RELATED: CA Sends Message To Future Coaches – Winning Won’t Be Tolerated On Our Watch

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