Perth’s Urban Sprawl Claims Credit For Lack of COVID Spread

In an unprecedented move, Perth’s Urban Sprawl has stepped up to take the lion’s share of credit for WA recording another donut day of ‘Rona infections after a scare earlier this week. 

For many, the apparent difficulty the ‘Rona has in transmitting itself through WA’s harsh landscape is a bit of a mystery. However, the great sprawl thinks it has a lot to do with its mission to stretch the boundaries of Perth as far as they will go. 

A spokesperson for the sprawl told The Bell Tower Times,

“There are a lot of critics of Perth’s urban sprawl but when COVID-19 has to basically catch a taxi to transmit to the next person you have to give it to the sprawl”

Earlier today, the Great Perth Heatwave also tried to claim credit for stopping the virus in its tracks. The spokesperson for the sprawl said,

“If anything, the heatwave is Pippen and the sprawl is Jordan. We are willing to concede the ball-melting temps could help but deep down we all know who the real MVP is”

Not everyone is happy with the sprawl taking so much credit. With contact tracers & testing clinic staff eager to receive some acknowledgment for the part they played. 

One such contact tracer told us,

“It’s obvious the sprawl is letting this get to its head. It’s the one time that people are burying their heads in shame when thinking about our vast metropolis. We’re not stoked they are taking all the credit but it won’t be long until everyone goes back to hating the sprawl for its baffling existence”

As a final thought, the spokesperson for the sprawl told us,

“I think it’s time Perth had a bloody hard look at itself in the mirror. If we had expanded to Gero by now you’d probably be able to go dancing on New Year’s Eve. Remember, the urban sprawl cures all”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?