Petrol stations to hand out free K-Y for when they bend us over the petrol barrel next week 

Petrol stations around WA will be handing out free testers of K-Y jelly to “help with the sting” when they absolutely ream us next week. 

It’s a perfect storm really, with the fuel excise cut not being extended and school holidays in full swing. Experts are warning consumers that they are probably going to feel like they were bent over the barrel. A spokesperson for a large chain of petrol stations told the Times,

“Yeah ouch, sucks to be a consumer right now but hey, that’s why we are handing out complimentary testers of K-Y Jelly. You can’t really accuse us of being opportunistic vultures after we do that, can you?”

Many punters are bracing themselves for their royal-rogering despite claims from the Federal Government that they didn’t expect the price of fuel to skyrocket when the excise cut dries up. 

We spoke to a LandCruiser owner who is expecting to pay several hundred extra on his road trip up north next week. He told The Times,

“What planet is this Government bozo living on? I reckon the petrol companies are literally salivating as the date approaches. Let’s just say I’m lubing up hard because I know those parasites aren’t going to be gentle”

Other than K-Y, petrol stations will also be offering some competitive deals on Cherry Ripes and shit. A spokesperson told The Times,

“What better way to forget about what happened at the bowser than a lovely little 2fa deal on some nearly expired chocolate? Yummo”

While consumers are being warned about the pain in the arse there are also concerns for staff. With incidents of bogans going troppo at the person behind the counter expected to boom. 

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