REPORT: Some Seedy Looking Faces On The Prospector Returning From Diggers Today

The Kalgoorlie Prospector has enjoyed some very seedy-looking faces today as delegates return from their 3-day benders at the Diggers & Dealers Mining Forum today. 

Not only are they competing with the after-effects of 50 pints but they must also deal with the shame of not being important enough in the mining industry to afford a chopper home. 

We spoke to Kenny who sharted 3 times during the conference and woke up feeling like an elephant gang bang was roaring into its 10th hour in his head. He told The Times,

“Yeah, nah, I lost control. It’s the only time in a year I get a break from the family and I took full advantage of that. Looking forward to absolutely destroying the Prospector’s toilet along with the other crook looking delegates

Another delegate was battling to keep a bacon & egg roll down as the rhythmic clunking of the Prospector sent him to the edge of the vom-abyss. He told The Times,

“I told myself I could just sleep on the train back but it’s hard to sleep when you’re trying not to die inside. My only choice is to keep drinking. I wouldn’t be the first to get pissed on the train back from Kal”

By all reports, some of the odours on the train are truly next level. With delegates surviving off mostly beer, Jacks, and cheese sausages. A woman from Kal coming back to visit family described the scenes, 

“It’s like one of those outbreak movies. I feel like I am in a mobile quarantine tent. I’m hearing noises from bodies that I’ve never heard before and frankly, don’t want to hear again”

Silence was momentarily torn apart by the sounds of a man power-slurrying the toilet bowl. She took a moment to almost vomit herself before continuing, 

“Now bear in mind, I’m from Kal, I’m not easily disgusted but that guy next to me has thrown up a bit into his own mouth 5 times already. Just keeps swallowing it down like a mamma bird that has problems with sharing”

Needless to say, many of these men shouldn’t be rocking chinos with that kind of backdoor propulsion. 

RELATED: Twiggy orders Diggers & Dealers delegate be stripped of lanyard after failing to wear R.M. Williams boots

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?