A forbidden union blossomed one Saturday night at the Rivo Tavern. Little did they know it would just lead to more heartache than either was prepared for.
See, Mel was a purebred Shelley resident from the leafy streets located North of Leach Highway. An authentic Barbican West elite.
Whereas Sam was born into the strange enclave South of Leach that most of Shelley consider more aligned with the riff raff of Riverton. A Barbican East Barbarian.
Cracks in the relationship started to form when Mel flat out refused to visit Sam on his side of the Canning swamp. Sam told The Times,
“She said she wasn’t up to date with her travel shots and wasn’t inoculated against whatever it is that exists in my side of Shelley. She said her parents would disown her if she brought anything back and made them ill”
To make matters worse, when Sam visited Mel on the correct side of Leach, her parents almost flew off the handle. Mel’s dad told The Times,
“Look we don’t know what happens on that side of Shelley and frankly, we don’t want to know. I told to get the fark out of my house and go enjoy that pissweak patch of grass they call a foreshore over there”
See Mel’s dad blames the South side of Shelley for dragging down the average house price. He even claims they would be equal to Rossmoyne’s median price if it wasn’t for this regrettable little parasite stuck to them.
It appeared their young love had been stopped in its tracks. There were only so many times they could meet up on the North side’s superior foreshore.
That’s when Mel decided to take a leap of faith. She got every developing world vaccination she could and jumped head first into a dinner with Sam’s parents.
They had bought the fancy Steggles chicken nuggets and enough L.A Ice Cola to go around. They welcomed her into their home. All went well until she let slip she was from the North. Sam told The Times,
“Dad suddenly didn’t like the way she was looking at him. Kept referring to her as Princess Mel and at one stage tried to put a tiara on her. When she left he sarcastically thanked her for checking on her royal subjects”
Alas, it doesn’t seem like this young couple have much of a chance. Then again, that’s how nature intended it. That’s why there is a big, stinking highway there kids.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
