The new boss-lady of Bunbury Farmers Market has revealed a detailed plan to alleviate the parking congestion that gets particularly heinous during the summer months.
Cessna loads of shoppers will be flown in for a 2 hour shopping swing before reporting back to the airstrip to be flown out to a nearby location.
This move is expected to add several hundred dollars to the individual’s shopping budget but will create a more harmonious environment in the car park and surrounding roads. A spokesperson for Rinehart told The Times,
“Gina knows that running a farmers market is essentially like running a massive mine. It’s about herding the human cattle in the most effective way possible. The FIFO shopping model is both visionary and on brand with her already hefty carbon footprint”
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We spoke to a Bunbury local who admitted he was pretty stoked to hear about the development. Adding,
“Every school holidays I think to myself, is today the day I finally do something that’ll get me locked up in prison. I really can’t stand the chaos the blow-ins cause on the road and I’m losing the battle to remain calm. Thanks Gina”
To help reduce general aggression, shoppers will also have to pass random piss tests on arrival to the markets. The spokesperson added,
“Whether you are operating heavy machinery or browsing for peaches with your fellow FIFO shopper, we want people to be alert, sober and safe. So yes, we will be urine testing at the market”
Naturally, wealthier shoppers will get the option of a private helicopter service, so they don’t have to mix with the great unwashed.
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