One of Simmo’s HJ’s soft serve machines better be fkn working because the kids are getting ice creams tonight!

Simmo has sent a series of urgent messages to his two Hungry Jack’s stores seeking confirmation that the soft serve machines are in full working order. His sudden interest in the machines follows an uncharacteristic win from the Eagles today over North at home.

Why ice creams? Well, Uncle Simmo wants to teach the youngins to treasure every victory when you’re in a bit of a premiership season rut. A source close to the Eagles told The Times,

“Yeah those fkn soft serve machines better be operational. You know what fast food ice cream machines are like. He’s made some big promises to the kids that he’s been playing all year and it’s a worthy celebration”

A source from within the Eagles has said the kids have been looking forward to this day ever since Simmo announced he bought a coupla HJs SOR. Adding,

“Just between us, Hewett is going to cop a sundae. 2 goals is a big effort from the kid and Simmo thinks that should be reflected. Cripps might object but he’s earned enough in his career to upgrade his own cone. Simmo isn’t made of soft serve, he’s running a fkn business after all”

The source also declared that there will be an emergency HJ’s board meeting if the machines are out of order. Simmo isn’t prepared to accept that kind of performance on such a glorious evening.

While the team celebrates, one can only imagine the thoughts going on in Harley Reid’s mind at the moment. Could he miss out on a chance for celebratory HJ’s soft serves and be stuck at Norf?

Time will tell.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?