A study has recently concluded that the average Perth resident is genuinely perplexed by the existence suburb they’ve never heard of before roughly twice per day. Sometimes up to thrice. Unless of course, your name is Satterley.

It is estimated that by 2050 the rate of new suburbs popping up will dwarf the population growth and lead to the opportunity for savvy Perth home seekers to have a suburb all to themselves.

That’s, of course, if said home owners are prepared to live North of Two Rocks. Which based on current market interest, fuck’n oath they are.

Nevertheless, not all new suburbs are out in the sticks. You may even find a new zoning application causes one to get plonked right next to you. The only rule, is there are no rules.

Todd, 33, who is currently looking to buy told The Bell Tower Times,

“If you had told me that Dayton was heating up a week ago I would’ve popped you right in the snout. Just the fantastical ramblings of a drunken moron. Turns out Dayton exists. Big time, wtf”

Similarly, Jess who has lived in Perth for all 42 adult years of her life told us,

“I got invited to a Scentsy night in Martin. Martin? I thought it was a typo. Are we just naming suburbs after accountants now?”

Although, perhaps consider yourself lucky if you are only completely bamboozled by a new Perth suburb twice a day. On average, Uber drivers experience this phenomenon about 8 times per day. You realise, “Darch“, is in the mix, right?

Meaning your average gig economy operator has to mutter to himself “where the fuuuccckk is that” more times than he hears from his loved ones per day. A serious toll on the soul, one would think.

However aggrieved the average Perth resident feels, please spare a thought for those who live in these seemingly random suburbs.

We spoke to Alex, who moved from Carabooda to Harrisdale with a brief house-sitting stint in Bertram last year and told us,

“Don’t even start, seriously, drop it”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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