The shoeless wonder – there is nothing like waking up after take off to the smell of a shire-dwelling plane hobbit’s Bega cheese & vegemite feet stank. Even better to see this hairy-hoofed pleb rub those sweaty, pungent feet all over the seat in front of them and then go and use the toilet. Rawdawg. What a treat. More on this hobbit HERE.
The stank boss – related to the shoeless wonder is the farkwit who can’t go a quick 3 hour flight without a Tupperware container of 5 types of pickled fish. Enjoy the aromas as this human bin chicken radiates the immediate vicinity with some truly stomach-churning aromas. Even better on the way out.
The standing hordes – you don’t want to catch second hand cringe. It can be lethal. So avoid those masses that insist on standing up as soon as the plane lands. Similarly, avoid being one of those tools that jumps into the queue the second boarding is called. Just relax man.
Captain Jetstar – you know this purebred. Drunk AF before he gets on the plane. Liable to piss himself. Even more likely to start a fight with a flight attendant, you or a seat. Captain Jetstar won’t just be abusive but he’ll break out into an annoying chant the first chance he gets. Oh, and you stand a pretty good chance of getting turned around. What a joy. More on him HERE.
Armrest abuser – plain and simple, some people just weren’t raised right. Everyone knows the deal however the armrest abuser is the sort of sub-human scum to think the aisle seat gets full use of both armrests. This is your best case for a retrospective abortionarino.
The chair kicker – aw, it’s so cute the young ones get a chance to see the big, wide world. What’s not cute? That little entitledling kicking your chair every 4 seconds because mummy & daddy don’t believe in actual parenting. Or can’t because the Xan just kicked in.
The short flight recliner – most civilised people accept that during short flights the recline really isn’t necessary. Especially as airlines are finding new and inventive ways to squeeze extra seats into their dogshit aircrafts.
The chud who didn’t bring any entertainment – love it when someone makes their problem your problem. Either watching over your shoulder or even worse – subjecting you to constant attempts at small chat. The horror.
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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
