Perth parents Jason & Jill have figured out a novel way to let their dropkick son know they aren’t particularly fond of him by giving him a steaming pile of shit for his birthday – Jetstar tickets.
It seems the boy has failed to make much of a positive impression on his parents after 24 years of mediocrity and wasted school fees. He even decided to support Flagmantle in a staunch West Coast household.
“Cop that you little cu…”, Jason mumbled as he prepared to give his uninspiring and generally unlikable son his birthday present.
Jill also relished in the lack of love in the air as she got to work slicing up a Woolies sponge cake. Also muttering, “mud cake is for winning sons”.
We spoke to the unflushable turd-son’s sister who was at the birthday bash. She told The Times,
“I’ve never seen dad so happy as when my brother opened his birthday card to see the printout of a Jetstar ticket confirmation. He just burst out into laughter telling him to suck shit”
The family then shared heartwarming stories of flight cancellations, lost baggage, and the ever-shrinking size of Jetstar seats. Jill told The Times,
“Oh we laughed, he’s a big boy and when he finally gets on a plan he’s going to absolutely hate it. That’s the Jetstar effect and it was the perfect gift for the parasite”
We spoke to the son who said he had finally gotten the message through his thick skull. Adding,
“I always suspected I wasn’t the golden child but this has well and truly put me in my place. They got my sister Emirates for her birthday. I think it’s because I crashed dad’s boat in 2019”
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