REPORT: Tuesdays Way Shitter Than Mondays

A young office worker has finally realised that Mondays are nothing to fear. Despite the culture around hating Mondays the young buck has learned that Tuesday is a cat-fishing piece of shit that loves to kick you when you’re down.

We spoke to the young lawyer who was currently in the grips of an existential panic, knowing all too well that Tuesday was upon him. He told The Times,

“I’ve realised that Mondays are never that bad because of my own mental state. I assume they are going to be like a funeral so when they roll around it’s never that bad. Can’t say the same for Tuesday though”

Top psychologists have confirmed the theory. After an extensive study they have agreed that the average 9-5 worker assumes the worst is over after Monday only to be completely blindsided by a dirty Tuesday. A leading researcher told The Times,

“You think because it’s not Monday it’s going to be good but when you look at the stats, Tuesday is still a long way from the weekend and you’re not hungover enough for it to be a blur. You feel everything. That classic two day blues kicking through”

Researchers also found that Tuesday was the day that senior management “got ya”. With ridiculous workload increases being most prolific on the dogcunt of a day. An expert told The Times,

“A lot of delegating fuckwits know that dumping a load of work on a pleb on a Monday is bad for morale. So they wait for Tuesday when the employee has this delusional belief that things can only get better. They don’t”

Researchers are warning every weekday worker to look out for Tuesday tomorrow. 

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