Rumour has it that 25-year-old Western Suburbs resident and mining engineer had his special R.M. Williams boots on before he’d even got out of bed this morning.
He’d been eyeing off the forecast all week and was beyond chuffed that the lower temperature and potential for rain meant he was duty-bound to give Perth an all-you-can muster boot-buffet.
By 9 am, William was proudly clopping around his home like Mr Ed after he’d just hit the ket sweet spot. Fishing out a delightful morning chardy to prepare for 11:45am Eagles game. William told The Times,
“There’s nothing like the first good R.M wearing day of the season. Sure I wear them at work every day but my coworkers already know I’m hot shit. The true purpose of these bad boys is so the general public realise they are blessed to share the same pub as me”
To fill the leather booted hole in his heart, William rocked his Birkeys aggressively while the weather was warm. Telling us,
“At least the Birkeys signal to everyone I’m from the Western Burbs. Sometimes the stupid look on my face isn’t enough and I like to be sure it’s noted. However, it’s the R.Ms that show the talent I’m a real urban cowboy. Kinda guy to overturn your liquor licence”
By 9:15 am, he’d even figured out a way to let Perth know what the situation was after. He uploads a photo of him with his feet up on the ottoman. It’s the perfect crime. No one would bat an eyelid at someone preparing to watch a 10 am game from the comfort of their couch.
More importantly, IG, Snapchat, and TikTok all got a big load of his freshly shined boots. Even making sure to angle one foot in such a way that the little tag is visible. That tag means EVERYTHING to William.
The public is advised to exercise extreme caution after the Eagles game because William will be on the prowl. He may even be wearing his North Face vest, if you’re lucky.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?