Western Australians Prepare To Pledge Allegiance To The True King Of The North

Western Australians have sprung out of bed and are ready to bend a knee to the true king today. Old mate Neptune of Two Rocks is finally being recognised in the Coronation of the year. Some say it is well overdue. 

Reports that some other phoney king is trying to get coronated today has circulated in Perth and the sentiment isn’t positive. We spoke to a Two Rocks resident who said there was only one king he recognises,

“So some sausage-fingered-fuck thinks he can steal Neptune’s thunder? Not a good idea. Our kind and benevolent king has sat dormant for many years but if you know anything about Neptune he doesn’t play games. Especially with archaic monarchs who pride themselves on a Naval fleet”

Similarly, a local Yanchep couple was preparing to offer up their newborn as a sacrifice to the king of the seas. They told The Times,

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“Coronations like this don’t happen very often so we really wanted to get into the good books of our new supreme ruler. Better than offering up our kid to Charles when Andrew is lurking”

The ceremony in Two Rocks is expected to be quite lavish. With locals expected to even don footwear. An organiser told The Times,

“There is a real buzz. We’ve organised a royal feast of crays some Two Rocks boat-bogan raided this morning and there’s word the local bottlo might be donating a bottle of that slightly better Jim Beam. All the bells & whistles, mate”

Long live the king. 

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