When you’re feeling like banging it right up the guts of the CBD, you’ll find yourself regurgitated in a pool of opportunity on one of Perf’s most iconic streets. Buckle up for Beaufort Street, partner.
At the Wellington St end of Beaufort, you have a chance to get a little culture up ya. Perth was kind enough to contain all of our cultural attractions to one little area – to ensure the greater Perth citizenry weren’t overexposed and began developing “Melbourne” thoughts.
Sadly, that is a battle already lost for many skiddies thriving in the faux-bohemian underwear of Beaufort Street. Fear not, pretentiousness aside there is plenty to keep you distracted.
For example, you may instantly notice that driving on Beaufort St is about as enjoyable getting donkey P’d during a prosty exam. It’s a constant mess of construction vehicles, Prado mummies, and Uber drivers doing whatever it takes to find a spot to wait for their customers.
Combine all this with the labyrinthian system of traffic management. Meaning one can’t simply turn onto a road in the direction they wish. For young players, this can get you stuck in quite the shitshow of steering wheel pounding frustration.
It could be worse though, try to imagine how bad it is now and then how bad it was when you could bang a righty on the Beaufort/Walcott intersection. It was a time when god forsook the inner city motorists.
While you are stuck at this intersection take a moment to reflect on the glory of Planet Video that had to make way for yet another mexican chain. It’s hard to swallow but the ever present lust for guac’ing up your life will eventually claim everything you love.
PARTYING IT UP
Never fear, if you’re stuck in a never-ending idling grind you have plenty to look at. Perhaps you can enjoy the daily parade of inner-city active-wear-clad yuppies and their 7k fur baby down the street. Or if youth is more your thing you’re almost guaranteed to see a pub crawl on the weekend.
See, for all Beaufort’s faults, it is still one of the best streets in Perth for a pub crawl. Sure, you’ll draw the ire of locals and will almost definitely end up in a FB community group complaint but there are plenty of watering holes waiting for you to miss the bowl while dressed as a camp golfer.
Remember, high density of pubs means a high density of people waiting to be impressed by your burnout or obnoxious motorcycle engine. Take your magnet for a spin today!
This brings us to the newest party-vein on the pumping member of Beaufort St. Aptly named The Beaufort. It is remarkable purely for the fact it has managed to bring young people back to the street. Si Paradiso couldn’t do all the heavy lifting.
Bottlos emptied of hard seltzer, tactical yacks, and pissed-up meaningless drama now ring through the street on a weekend night. It is probably the healthiest sign that Beaufort St is bouncing back yet.
Be careful who you say that around though. There is an ageing contingent of formerly hip citizens who will fiercely debate about the glory of Beaufort St “back in their day”. They may have a point but no need to get your scarf in a twist.
INGLEWOOD ALWAYS UP TO NO GOOD
If partying isn’t for you then you could always be a massive stain and cut in line for the rona testing centre. There are a few opportunities around the gaps in the queue to allow for normal traffic. Hey, you didn’t buy a Rangey to be a civilised human being after all.
If you’ve made it this far you are now in Inglewood. A suburb that has been flying under the radar. Consolidating its power and is now having a real crack at taking the crown from Maylands/Mount Lawley as the inner city place to be. Ensure you properly protect yourself from the smugness.
Markets, brand-spankin’ supermarkets (yeah those dirty dawgs got the Aldi), and as a bustling sense of community.
Don’t forget to stop off at the iconic Ezy Plus. The powers to be may have taken Hungry Spot from Beaufort but Ezy Plus stands strong.
Then you can continue on to Bedford if you must. Not sure why but hey, it’s a free country. All that’s left is to hold onto the dream that the Beaufort St Festival will return to us one day.
If we can close down Canning Highway for an AC/DC tribute surely we can bring back the Beaufort arts & slopfest.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?