Extreme Weather Event Declared In Broome Yesterday As Mercury Dipped To 9.6 Degrees

The fine people of Broome are still recovering from what was declared an “extreme weather event” yesterday morning as the temperature dipped to a bone-chilling 9.6 degrees. 

While some Southerners might laugh at the chaotic scenes that unfolded in Broome, for the Kimberley residents it was no laughing matter. Many having to dig deep into their storage closets for mythical items such as long pants, long sleeve shirts, and in extreme cases a jumper. 

We spoke to ol’ mate Rick who has prided himself on wearing the same pair of shorts for the past 45 dry seasons. He told The Times,

“You never think it’s going to happen to you, ya know. I was woken up by the cold and could barely make it to the shitter before me body started shutting down. Luckily me woman was quick to double bang a second pair of shorts on me or I’d be a goner. Ended up soiling meself every way I knew how to stay warm”

It wasn’t just cold homes. It was also an entire city trying to figure out what this cold dewey shit was on their windscreens. One resident said he wasn’t aware his car had a defogging setting until this morning. He told The Times,

“I sat in me car with the heater on trying not to die and it just made it worse. WTF I didn’t sign up for this shit. I live at the pointy end of West fucklandia for a reason mate. I ended up just driving without any vision. Took out every bin on the street”

In an extreme case, a woman was forced to adorn a hoody/beanie combo with her short shorts. She said it gave her traumatic flashbacks to when she went to watch the footy in Perth in the winter of 2014. She told The Times,

“I still feel dirty for putting a hoody on. Can still feel the warm fabric closing in on me. I ain’t used to that kind of shit and I don’t care for it. Luckily it heated up to an absolute stunner by noon by I may never recover”

Truly tough times for Broome.

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