“Dozens” Feared Inconvenienced As Perth Train Network Cacks Itself Due To Heat

TransPerth is apologising profusely to the handful of people who still use the train network for the delays caused by the intense spice of today’s sun. 

Many train enthusiasts were left waiting hours for replacements due to the lack of train track engineering foresight that one day, Perth may get hot.

A spokesperson for TransPerth told The Times,

“Obviously, this upsets us as the small population of Perth who enjoy driving to train stations just to catch the train have been our biggest cheerleaders for years. We owe it to that brave few to maintain consistent services”

We couldn’t notice the slight wink sent our way when the word “consistent” was dropped. 

It’s been a tough year for TransPerth with a “couple of kents” who frequented the Mandurah line being absolutely livid at their decision to shut down services for a few weeks over X-Mas. 

Train user, Brett told The Times,

“How’s a bloke meant to launch his Aussie hip hop career if I can’t blare my beats on the train bruz. Those TransPerth dogs cost me at least 20-30 ears that I would’ve reached on my 4 hours of commuting around aimlessly today”

Serious train user, Britt was even more scathing, telling us, 

“I’m an inner-city train user OK, I was forced to catch a replacement bus like some pleb. Do I look like a bus patron to you? I alight at West Leederville for god’s sake”

TransPerth considered a compensation scheme for those affected by the delays today but considered that due to the sum running into the low to mid 100’s, it was just a bridge too far. 

The TransPerth spokesperson told us,

“Look, we’d love to offer our valued passengers a free ride but it’s a cost reward consideration. Many people don’t realise that we spend more money on graffiti removal than we earn from ticket sales. Perth really isn’t into public transport, hey?”

That’s one way of putting it. 

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