IN FOCUS: Hyundai Getz

Some say that between 2002 – 2011, motoring performance hit its peak – the Hyundai Getz. Others would disagree, including Hyundai Australian CEO, Lee Edwards who boldly stated that “we’re not concerned with leaving the bottom of the market” when the Getz was discontinued. Ouch.

Nevertheless, the Getz remains legendary, not only for its cheap price tag but for its ability to attract drivers who made vehicular incompetence an art form. Vincent Van Get-off-the-road-meatheads who make every day that little bit more challenging for the rest of us.

Brand spankin’ new they went for between $14k – $17k and are now valued at around $2 – $6. Getz drivers feel this drop in value is criminal for a car that was crowned best small car in Australia 2003 & 2005. Absolutely robbed.

Given their current value, the Getz is fantastic second-hand cars if you don’t mind the stench of cats and dents from the owner amazingly not being able to park the tiny little trash-box. So naturally, they are mostly driven by P-platers or pensioners.

Accordingly, the Getz is like a red flag to bogan drivers who barely consider a Getz a car. This makes the Getz driver the subject of on-road bullying the kinds of drivers who believe they elite motorists but have a driving history as chequered as an Italian restaurant’s table cloth.

So, after years of disrespect, the Getz driver sometimes gets the notion in their head that they should fight back and become a contender in the royal rumble of the road. Hilarity ensues when you see the Getz go forth like a yappy little shitdog and try to cut off another driver despite their engine having as much guts as a cassowary attack victim.

By and large, though, Getz drivers know their place in the ecosystem and their driving sins pretty much extend to driving 30 below the limit, going down one-way roads and turning corners at a pace that would make a sloth honk them.

Perhaps what truly separates the Getz driver form other hatchback-aficionados is the immense joy they get from Getz-related wordplay. Often displaying these devilish puns on the back of the cars. Getz Back, Getz Some, etc. You get the picture.

While these may come across as atrocious dad-level jokes, they are highly revered in the Getz community and can probably add hundreds to the resale value of your beloved car.

So what are you waiting for? Go Getz one. JK, buy literally anything else.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?