IN FOCUS: WA COVID-19 Police Drones

Perth has always been a heavily surveilled city and you’d better believe someone has footage of you chucking that cheeky slash in-between city bars. You grubby little urinator. Nevertheless, it was always out of sight and out of mind.

However, the imagery of police drones flying over beaches, parks and cafe strips conjures up some next-level dystopian bullshit; and why have these measures come into place? Terrorism? Manhunt? No. It’s because some shitcunts can’t stop living it up during the pandemic. Thanks, fuckheads.

Now to be fair, you can’t just blame YOLO-driven backpackers for the measures. Chuck a few judgmental glances at stubborn boomers and apathetic breeders who lament their decision to cash in their ticket in the genetic lottery and can’t stand their kids being at home.

For the foreseeable future, it’s going to be quite tough to enjoy all those outdoor activities without being verbally reprimanded by Robocops. Say goodbye to your Langley Park romps. Sure you are honouring the 2 person rule but unless you have the powers of a frisky Neo and can rock socks from 1.5m away, you’re going to have to give up the dream.

Any invasion of privacy is of concern however in typical social media fashion the news of the drones has sent tin foil hatters into overdrive. This isn’t a policing initiative to enforce social distancing, it’s the beginning of an Orwellian hellscape where we’ll eventually be forced to grovel before the all-knowing one-world government. Or some shit. No matter what they bang on about it always sounds the same.

Similarly, the announcement has sent shockwaves in the internet tough guy community. Who have spent the last 2 days explaining, in detail, exactly what they plan to launch at a drone if it comes within GoPro distance of their Balinese themed outdoor setting with Buccaneer fibreglass pool.

They are probably overstating how keen police are to see them getting to work on their 7th kid after a hit of the see-through recorder. That’s the kind of memory that never leaves you. That’s the kind of sight that ends police drone pilot careers.

On a lighter note, the world finally gets to see a decent use for drones outside war crimes and the same aerial shots of the ocean played over generic EDM music. This is a big win for drone pilots everywhere.

Will our new robocop overlords behave? That remains to be seen – might want to pull the blinds shut when you’re on your 7th working from home self-service from now on though.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?