Travel warning issued to French backpackers returning through Perth’s Northern suburbs today

The Western Australian Government has issued a travel warning to all French backpackers following the national team’s win over England in the early hours of the morning. It’s not coming home, and neither should they, got a few days. 

French backpackers may be tempted to return from up North via Indian Ocean Drive however their safety cannot be guaranteed due to the extreme levels of salt being cultivated on the shores of Perth’s northern suburbs. A WA spokesperson told The Times,

“Yeah, I wouldn’t. A lot of English residents will no doubt feel robbed and if they see a smelly van full of French backpacking faux-hippies they are likely to react poorly. No one wants a chip butty thrown at their windscreen causing an accident. Please return via Brand Highway if you must”

We spoke to Butler resident Barry who has been drunk since around midday yesterday. He was barely able to finish his 2nd fry-up for the morning when he told The Times,

“It was foookn coming’ommmmeeee lad. You just wouldn’t understand. Losing to the French as an Englishman is as bad as it gets. Pass me a can of laaaaaaaagah would ay, I’m going frog stomping”

Barry’s friends & family are concerned for him especially after how he handled the last time it didn’t come home at the Euro Cup. To say he handled it poorly is an understatement (Read more HERE).

A defiant Pierre & Claudia say they have heard the Government’s warning but have no intentions of heeding it. Even “Frenching” up their van with an extra flag and an intention to return via Indian Ocean Drive with the anthem blaring from their #vanlife rig. Pierre told The Times,

“It’s how you say, delicious English tears! Larmes anglaises! And it will be manifique! We won’t be told to use Brand Highway in this time of fête”

Needless to say, the couple’s safety cannot be guaranteed if they go through this shit-stirring return from their trip. 

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