Jetstar to introduce octagon cage so bogans booted off planes can fight for a seat on the next flight

Rather than lament its clientele, Jetstar has decided to “lean into it” and install an octagon fight cage as one sees in the UFC in the departure area.

Every Jetstar passenger who is booted off their original fight can earn redemption and glory in the cage. With the ultimate goal of getting a seat on the next flight out so the bogan’s holiday plans aren’t completely ruined. 

To fund the project, the airline will be offering a bookie service on the day and selling tickets to the spectacle. A spokesperson for Jetstar told The Times,

“These people are going to act like that anyway so why not milk it for a bit of free entertainment and cashola? In many ways the ancient Romans were more enlightened than us so why not bring back the grand spectacle of gladiators in the colosseum” 

Dubbed the “Cuntosseum” by many, the cage will also offer passengers who are not YET booted from a flight a chance to “get it out of their system” with a bit of biffo with a fellow airline menace “itching for it”.

We spoke to Bronten who conceded that there was an 85% chance he’d be escorted off his flight later today. He told The Times,

“I can’t stand being told when or when I can’t piss. I don’t give a shit about your little light Jetstar, I’ve got 10 cans of Jacks in my bladder so get the fark out of my way”

We asked Bronten if he’d relish the opportunity to redeem himself via mortal kombat. He told The Times,

OathSee these arms? They swing a sledgey every day. I’m strong af. I also really want to get to Bali. So yeah, I’ll feed a few gronks the oos oss ha ha why not, gonna do it anyway”

We understand that the Jetstar Octagon will be ready in time for the X-Mas holiday rush. Good times. 

Read more about the joys of Jetstar flights HERE.