Man in company branded car quietly confident driving like a stain is a top marketing strategy

Perth man Andrew deploys a bold marketing strategy every time he gets in his company-branded car – driving like an absolute shitstain on the grundies of the road.

His unique brand of aggressive, selfish & negligent driving is much like an annoying jingle you might hear on the television. We spoke to Andrew who further explained,

“Just like a jingle, my driving & car stays with you for days, weeks even years after encountering me. So you’ll remember the company and probably the phone number too as you’ve no doubt taken a photo of me leaning out of my window and challenging you to a fight”

We spoke to a member of the public who complained about Andrew by phoning the number on his car. They told The Times,

“I thought to myself this is a horrible advertisement for the business. He got out in peak hour traffic to have a piss on his tyre and then threatened to box my head in for taking a photo of him doing it”

Alas, Andrew’s company isn’t fully sold on the strategy. While they concede they have had far more inquiries via the telephone they aren’t converting those calls to sales.

We spoke to the owner of the company who said Andrew had begged them to allow a 5 year trial of his strategy. Adding,

“I think Andrew just pulled this out of his arris after getting done speeding for the 4th time in our company car. When people ring up to inform us of his actions we get a chance to ask them if they are happy with their current builder. In Andrew’s defence we did convert one call to a sale on the basis that Andrew would have nothing to do with the customer”

Based on this very limited success, Andrew vows to intensify his atrocious driving in the future. Adding,

“See, it’s a numbers game. Currently, I am only truly aggravating a couple of hundred drivers a day. I think I can double those numbers and then it’s up to our sales team to convert”

Good luck to all involved.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?