Perth man admits he hasn’t truly felt alive since the 2018 pint war

Brayden is a relatively happy man. He goes about his daily dealings with a smile and an air of relative optimism but sadly it’s all a macabre charade.

For on Brayden’s mind is the 2018 Perth pint war. A little slice of our history where a number of Subiaco licenced venues chased the elusive loyalty-dragon by offering $3 pints on Hay St.

We spoke to Brayden who deeply lamented what he called “Perth’s cultural highwater mark”. He told The Times,

“I’m alright bro but the sun just shines a little duller, ya know what I mean? I paid $13 for a Swan the other day and I was too numb to even show disgust. Is this what we’ve become as a society mate?”

Indeed, it all started in January 2018 when The Village in Subi dropped the price of a pint to $4. In response, The Vic Hotel declared war and advertised Swanny D for $3.50.

You have to understand the context here. We were still recovering from the boomtown prices, so a pint of beer for $3.50 that wasn’t utter generic dog piss was truly remarkable.

Naturally, the absurd gimmick couldn’t last forever and it seems as quickly as the pint war was waged it was over. Leaving many crushed dreams in its wake.

Brayden concedes that $3.50 pints are unlikely to make a comeback but says that a man can dream and his heart will forever be stuck in 2018.

Related: Kalgoorlie bloke disgusted that no one is getting on the mini beers in Perth

We spoke to Brayden’s old housemate who held a contrary view however. He told The Times,

“Do you know how many times Brayden pissed himself that month? Trust me, he may’ve loved $3.50 pints but $3.50 pints didn’t love him. My futon still stinks of Brayden’s benders on a warm summer’s morning”


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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?