Reverse Parallel Parkaphobe Not Cut Out For The East Vic Park Dining Scene 

Jesse is a 25-year-old coward and all-round inept driver who has consistently let the anxiety of having to perform a reverse parallel park stop her from enjoying all the fruits of the Albany Highway hospitality scene. 

The fear of having to execute a toight manoeuvre means Jesse has only dipped her toes into the eclectic range of eateries if she’s able to walk from the Vic Park Centre car park. Which is no picnic in its own right. 

Jesse broke down while accepting her own limitations as a bit of a useless driver. She told The Times,

“I always wanted to be one of those cosmopolitan gals who’d tackle the Sunday dim sum scene and kick on but to be honest parking along Albany Highway scares the shit out of me”

Jesse’s friend, Tash, was sick of Jesse expressing interest in wining & dining only to bail out at the last minute when she finds out the plans are in VP. She told The Times,

“We want her to expand her VP/EVP boundaries but the thought of a peak hour parking clusterfuck is too much for her. She could just learn how to slot one in under pressure, it’s not that hard”

Jesse however denies it’s not that hard, telling The Times,

“It’s so shit, you always have a huge line of cars up your arse as you creep along trying to get a spot near your restaurant. I’m just not built for that kinda precision parking under immense pressure. It’s all too much for me, I’m weak”

For a period, Jesse was comfortable hitting one of the pubs but after a traumatic experience on a busy afternoon at The Balmoral she hasn’t been the same since. She told The Times,

“Some drongo in a HiLux just ignored my turning indicator and zoomed straight into the park I was eyeing off so I tried to find a park on a side street but then copped a hefty fine for being 5 minutes late back to my car, those parking vultures are ruthless”

If you or your loved ones suffer from reverse parallel phobia, please nip it in the bud with some extra driving lessons. 

It’s advised to start this intervention as soon as possible because some will simply go their entire lives missing opportunities that require a little swingeroonie. 

And that’s no way to live your life. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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