Taylor Swift Adds WA To Her Tour After Being Assured Of Inspiration From Perth’s Horrific Dating Pool

A bunch of dedicated Perth “Swifties” have done the impossible and convinced Taylor Swift to add WA to her Australian tour after guaranteeing her that she’d have some of the worst break-ups of her life from the stagnated Perth dating pool. 

We spoke to Amber who led the campaign to get Taylor here. She told The Times,

“I told her a few of my experiences. Especially with the BCF ambassador types. One guy I dated for 3 months and found out he had a full family! Wife and kids! No wonder we only ever did it in the back of his Patrol. He was a real dirtbag, when we broke up he said I owed him $50 for the burley he’d wasted helping me fish. She loved that”

Another member of the #bringtaytaytoWA brigade told the superstar through her agent that she once went on a date with a guy from Rockingham and the staff caught him twirling a pippy in the bowling alley toilet. She continued, 

“I had 3 children with that man and then one day he comes home and says he’s blown all our savings on a Jet Ski. I told him it was us or the Jet Ski. He just sat there revving it on the trailer and said he’d smell me later”

Taylor could already see the hits forming in her catalogue. However, the stories were flowing fast & thick. Another Switfy told The Times,

“I told her agent that I’d been married to a real estate agent for 4 years and I’d let him take a few videos of us getting it on. One day I actually watched one and it was exclusively set on him – you know that angle that’s all hairy bumhole and balls slapping? I found out he’d watch them afterward while rehearsing a speech he’d written for the Realtor of the Universe. He told me I was undeserving on his greatness. That award doesn’t even exist”

BREAKING: Taylor Swift Fan Misses Out On Tickets But Still Makes Excellent Use Of Those Adult Nappies e-Queuing For Tickets Today

Tay Tay was almost on a plane to Australia after that one. Her management confirmed today that she’ll be coming to WA,

“Taylor is now 100% convinced that she’ll be able to form a turbulent relationship with a total piece of shit. She figures Perth’s big country town vibe is perfect with her sound and the unique scumminess of its available blokes should really create something magical”

Good news for Swifties. 

MORE WA NEWS: “Bringing it back” – Twiggy seen cruising towards the OBH with RMW Longhorn sticker plastered across 4WD

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

Become a Patron!