7 Sources Clive Is Taking Advice From In His $300 Billion Battle Against Australia 

A pack of emus in the Wheatbelt – like any battle, a legal one is all about strategy. So it’s only natural Clive has sought the counsel of a pack of Wheatbelt emus who are direct descendants of the flock that defeated the Australian military.

Reports say the rotund magnate attempted to learn their secrets but soon discovered, like all, Western Australians, the flock didn’t want anything to do with him. Better luck next time Clive. 

The All Blacks – no one knows how to spank Australia quite like the All Blacks. Having not won the Bledisloe since 2002, the Nickel billionaire was all up in their shit wanting to know the secrets on rolling the Aussies.

Alas, he was unable to get a warm reception in New Zealand after the locals realised that hitting up $300B from Australia could have a flow-on effect of there being fewer jobs in Australia for kiwis to take. Not on their watch Clivey boy. 

An open bar – every Australian’s weakness. Clive was seen consulting the open bar and seeking advice on how he could use the lessons learned by giving Aussie’s free piss for a few hours to his advantage. 

Sadly, many think he may have gotten into said open bar before deciding to sue the Australian Government for $300 billion dollarydoos. 

Logan Paul – if anyone can separate Aussies from their money it appears to be YouTube parasite Logan Paul. His ridiculous drink has been making waves in the country with youths throwing every spare dollar they can at it.

To make it better, the drinks sales are fuelled by dubious claims as to how good it really is. Something Clive Palmer is all about. Sadly, Logan won’t talk to Clive properly until he invests in his shitty crypto scam. More on Prime HERE.

Robodebt – Logan is just a rookie compared to the ultimate way of separating Australians from their money. This meeting showed a marked shift in his perception. He’s not trying to just roll the Government for their money he’s trying to roll every Australian citizen of their hard earned.

Luckily for the massive blowhard, his golden boy Porter is all over that brief.

Indian cricket pitch curators – just like the All Blacks, the Indian pitch curators know how to stack the odds against the Aussies. He has consulted the pitch team to come in and see where they can work their magic on his legal pleadings. 

This was a natural choice for Palmer who always relies on ridiculous spin to argue his point. Sadly, the Indian pitch curators refused to give advice to Clive until he admitted the curators in his home state of Queensland did some dicey shit at the Gabba. Clive doesn’t play like that, baby. 

The Death Star – Clive reportedly met with the Death Star on Thursday afternoon. It is believed this meeting was less about the legal strategy and more about a contingency plan if he can’t manage to get a whopping $300B from the Aussie Government. 

Will the big unit go rogue? Well, you’re talking about a man who built a replica Titanic. Time will tell. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?