What your choice of Smoko feed says about you

Pie/sausage roll (basic) – you’re a salt-of-the-earth cobber who knows any good meal needs to be accompanied by at least half a litre of tomato sauce. If a fly was to crawl into your mouth mid feed you probably wouldn’t give a shit.

Pie/sausage roll (housemade) – you’ve given yourself permission to live a little. Not a lot. Just a little. You’ve peaked behind the smoko veil and the thoughts of puffy, golden pastry and meat not scraped from an abattoir floor entice you. You still probably smoke inside though.

Assorted bain marie fodder – you’re a culinary barbarian who lives to pillage every lunch bar bain marie they find. You’ve lost yourself to grease-lust but you do have a faint memory of when you cared what you grabbed. Now if it’s in that tray it’s fair game and you will have your fill.

Darts – smoko will vary in time from job to job but the true old mate energy to punch as many darts in whatever time span remains the same. Typically accompanied by a Dare or energy drink the dartmaster will come back to work as pungent as an Asian businessman in the smoking section of the airport.

Dare – life has been pretty sweet for you since the Bayswater Bridge got torn down but it hasn’t stopped your reliance on chasing the brown dragon. Your caffeinated state of anxiety makes you a loose cannon and know where every public toilet in Perth is located.

500ml energy drink – the ol Baldivis baby formula. This is the smoko choice of the hectikcunt. You don’t suck down 2 Mothers without being ready, willing, and able to staunch an apprentice over sitting on your favourite milk crate. Yewwwww.

Bahn mi – you’ve found the perfect balance. An excuse to scoff roast pork & crackling with enough salad to keep those nagging thoughts of skiddies at bay. You appear to slightly hover as you sit eating your feed – a truly enlightened, cultural cobber.

Servo sushi – while you hunger for an excuse to eat soy sauce your real appetite is for danger. You’re a high-stakes man, as comfortable scoffing dubious California roll as you are waving pineapples at croupiers on the Crown gaming floor at 3 am.

Supermarket sushi – “shart me once, shame on you, shart me twice, shame on me”, is your motto and you’re done rolling the dice on servo sushi. You manage to convince yourself that fried chicken sushi smothered in 2.5 soy fishes per roll is a “healthy” option.

Smoko of champions – supermarket roast chook, slaw, and a packet of bread rolls. You just get it. A perfect meal of protein, fibre, and carbs to give you all the energy you need to go and find a nice spot to sleep given the intense food coma that comes with eating an entire pack of rolls at lunch.

Homemade salad – either the doctor’s orders or you’ve snagged a new misso that has set some very clear rules about what you need to do to regain access to the ensuite toilet at home. You have a thick skin given the constant harassment you get for looking after your health.

Hungry Jack’s – while most people want to spend as short a time as possible in the portaloo you see it as your throne. You recharge in that chamber of stench and know there’s nothing like a double bacon deluxe combo to load up an almighty session by lunch time.

For more on fast food generally see HERE.

Pippy – you’re the backbone of the Western Australia construction industry. Not only are you on a first-name basis with Worksafe but you maintain a healthy level of fear around the worksite. It’s your defence mechanism against being asked to actually do anything as you charge around smoking darts and eyeing off other bloke’s tools.

Child’s recess fare – you’re an apprentice or you just haven’t grown up. Having the pallet of a 13-year-old doesn’t bother you though as you get stuck into roll-ups, Le Snacks, and whatever other shit you flogged from your current misso’s kid’s lunchbox in the morning. Your teeth make people uncomfortable.

4 pack (full sugar) – a good ol fashion WA construction industry pisswreck. While you’re mentally half-there at work your mind is only truly at the nearest front bar’s TAB screaming at the greyhounds in between leaving piss droplets on your work pants.

4 pack (no sugar) – you looked in the mirror one day and decided to make some changes. You’re basically a health influencer in the concreter world. You also only touch low carb beers at knock off (even if you drink twice as many as any normal man). Good for you, mate.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?