Perth Man Quietly Confident No One Else Plans to Go Xmas Shopping Today

Casually sauntering out to his car, Ben cracks his knuckles and exclaims to the world that he’s about to get away with the perfect crime. In and out of Karrinyup in 30 minutes because surely everyone else has done their Xmas shopping by now. 

His nonchalance is compounded by the fact he has several other pressing errands to attend to today. Nevertheless, he truly believes that his first mission will be easy as pie.

Even going as far as to shoot his GF a message saying he definitely won’t be late for an afternoon BBQ at her folks. He told The Times,

“It’s a beautiful day so who else is going to be at the shops? I reckon I’ll get a park right near the entrance. Shade too. I can’t believe everyone else rushed to do their shopping this week. I reckon I’m onto something here”

Oh Ben, you stupid piece of shit. As he approached the Mecca of consumerism he noticed a disgusting amount of traffic on Karrinyup Road. Nevertheless, he dismissed it as the likely result of some clown having a bingle. He told The Times,

“Yeah, won’t lie, it didn’t click that all that traffic was for the shops. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I finally got to the centre. Turns out quite a few other people had the same idea as me. Why am I like this?”

A pertinent question indeed. Seeing as Ben repeated this exact same mistake in years gone past. Why is it a lesson he can never learn?

That remains unclear but what isn’t unclear is that Ben has now been in the bowels of Karrinyup shopping centre for about 4 hours. 

To make matters worse, the horrendous reception means he can’t make an SOS call or inform his GF that he will be rocking up to the BBQ a cool 5+ hours late. However his partner has indicated that he may as well stay at Karrinyup, adding,

“I really can’t see a future with someone so stupid. I think I’ll cut my losses. Perth’s dating pool is getting frighteningly shallow”

Ah, Ben, what are we going to do with you. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?