Affluent Gent Transitions Into Panama Hat Phase As A Gentle Reminder He’s Negatively Geared Half Your Suburb

Geoffrey truly embodies the boomer dream. A life enriched by negative gearing, franking credits, and intergenerational wealth. You bloody beauty!

Now he likes to spend his days taking leisurely strolls around his vast and expansive property empire. From South Perth to Applecross, odds are he’s getting a big ‘ol slice of your rental income.

However, he felt he wasn’t striking terror into the hearts & minds of the plebs with just his usual Gant get up. He realised that he needed something more. An edge, if you will. So he consulted his wife who agreed that the sight of his bald head was off-putting and he should Panama up. She told The Times,

“I am honestly mortified he’d even come to the Croquet Club without a Panama hat. People must think we shop at Coles. How frightfully common”

Now he looks precisely like the sort of Gent that would push women & children out of the way to get onto a Titanic lifeboat. Also, that he owns a substantial property portfolio. He told The Times,

“Yes, this hat is marvellous! Simply marvellous. I can see the plebs scramble to avoid my judgmental gaze every time I take a walk. I have to say this hat changed my life. Watch out first home buyers I’m coming to the auction!”

When he’s not looking for things to complain about as a ratepayer, he’s attending auctions for almost-affordable properties. He told The Times,

“The most pleasure I get in life is outbidding a desperate couple looking for their first leg up in the property market chuckles boomerishly. Just last week I forced this other couple to offer 100k more. I wasn’t even interested in the house! What a lark!”

Well, Geoffrey, sounds like you’ve earned your time in the sun and have a lovely hat to protect you. Well done, old boy, well done.

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