Perth girl Jasmine has suffered an awful dose of culture shock on returning to Perth after a whopping 5 weeks binge drinking around Europe.
Suddenly, she was forced to deal with cuisine, accents and culture that didn’t align with her now lofty Euro-standards. Holding back tears she told The Times,
“OMG, my dad came to the airport to pick me up in his Surfer Joes! How embarrassing. You should see how well the Italian men dress. They could sense the style in me too as they’d call out ciao bella! To me. I don’t think they’d do that to just any girl, do you?”
After the airport ordeal, Jasmine decided to catch up with some of her friends for coffee. In hindsight, this wasn’t a good idea. Her friend Kayla told The Times,
“Who does this bish think she is? She literally gets a Muzz Buzz coffee every day before uni and now she’s telling us that she can’t bring herself to have a flat white? She just kept looking at us in disgust and asking whether we had any self-respect”
Jasmine defended her actions by making it clear she had Café au Lait in Paris on two occasions and had therefore seen the light. Claiming that it was now not possible to drink the swill they serve in Australia.
After the cafe experience, her friends clearly needed a stronger drink. So they headed to a local pub where they had to shout their annoying friend on account of having a Euro-sized hole in her purse.
Unfortunately, for her friends, Jasmine had also passed through Madrid. So was now somewhat of an expert on tapas bar culture. Her friend Jess told The Times,
“She had this face that looked like a creature that would eat its own young. Kept going on about how uncultured the Aussie bar scene was and maybe if they served complimentary tapas then all the bogans surrounding us wouldn’t throw up on each other. We were at the fkn Cott Hotel”
Soon after, the group left because Jasmine claimed the bartender didn’t know how to make an Aperol Spritz properly. She decided to take her leave and told her friends she’d rather be sophisticated alone than roll around in the Perth mud with uncultured swine one more time.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?