Mitchell Johnson reveals David Warner is the sort of bloke that enforces LBW in backyard cricket

Mitchell Johnson has continued his legendary attack on David Warner with a follow-up article that details another compelling reason why the struggling opener isn’t worthy of a hero’s send-off.

In the article, Johnson describes a game of backyard cricket he played with Warner. He told The Times,

“It was a lovely hot day. All the kids were having fun, the uncles in attendance were giving their best attempts at googlies and I was giving lots of catches. You know, in the spirit of backyard cricket. Then Davey Warner charges across demanding a bowl”

Seething with rage, Johnson had to take a few moments to collect himself before continuing,

“Warner then delivered this pathetic over of alleged line & length. Total leg-side garbage. That’s when one ball hit a twig and came into contact with my leg. He HOWZAT’d so hard he sharted a bit. Everyone could smell it but it didn’t stop there”

Another witness at the fateful game of backyard cricket had to take over before Johnson punched a hole in the wall. His mate told The Times,

“Yeah, so you got this little bloke doing that dumbarse Toyota jump and saying that’s LBW. We told him we don’t pay LBW in backyard cricket and to chill out. That’s when he sat in the middle of the pitch and refused to move until Johnson walked”

Another witness recounted how a couple of the adults tried to ask Johnson to let Davey have a bat before he ruined the entire day. He begrudgingly agreed and went to splash some lager on the snags.

Once at the crease, Davey Warner played an excruciating brand of defensive cricket. Blocking nearly every ball to eliminate any chance of a catch. The witness continued,

“We had to introduce the tip-n-run rule because Warner was being such a flog. That’s when Johnson came back to bowl an over of beaners at him. Nothing in Dave’s half of the wicket and the bloke ducked and dodged them. Who leaves a ball in backyard cricket? Give the kids some classic catches ya dick head Warner!”

Finally having calmed down, Johnson continued the conversation with The Times. Saying that his efforts in backyard cricket weren’t the only thing that stood out that day. Adding,

“You know what he brought? A Coles garden salad and a 6 pack of Great Northern. Did that stop him smashing my beers and putting clearing out half the potato salad I made? Nope. A good potato salad too mate, bacon, chives, a whole fkn jar of mayo. Hero send off my arse”

It’s hard to argue with Johnson’s sentiments after that.

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