Ageing millennial accepts it’s all over after getting a bit too excited to see a bird

Time comes for us all and Perth man Toby has accepted he is officially on a downward trajectory towards mortality after getting a bit too excited to spot a superb fairy wren while strolling on the weekend.

Still coming to grips with the encounter, Toby told The Times,

“Look at it. What a fkn bird mate. I cream myself when I see a Kookaburra at the park so you can only imagine the load I had to clean up after seeing this charming little feller. I used to party, man. I used to be pretty cool. Now look at me. Just another ageing bird freak”

Toby’s partner also enjoyed the sight of the bird but didn’t feel compelled to discuss it for the next 3 hours. She told The Times,

“It was the most youthful I’d felt in a while actually. It was a pretty bird but it didn’t excite me like it excited Toby. I was happy to have a glance and keep walking. He kept saying that his life was now complete and couldn’t see life getting much better from there. I guess he’s right in some ways”

On a rare bird high, Toby launched into a Sunday session that was admittedly a little heavy on the bird talk. His mate told The Times,

“Back in the day, the only little blue bird he liked was the kind imprinted on a pill. Now he’s telling me that he’s pretty sure he saw an Australian Pied Oyster Catcher in Applecross and will have to follow up with another visit to be sure”

While Toby has accepted there is no hope for him he also states that there is a relief in finally letting go of his young heart. Adding,

“I can’t do the hangovers anymore, mate. All I want to do is brew my own beer, cook pulled pork in a smoker, and wait for the next encounter with a bird I’ve not scratched off my dance card yet. That’s my life now. Pretty cool huh?”

He truly is living the dream.

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