Authorities have confirmed the mystery object “didn’t stand a chance” after it washed up in Green Head which is situated close to such towns as Jurien Bay, Leeman, and Dongara.
While the object was discovered on Saturday it was not reported to police until Sunday. Which gave regional scavengers more than enough time to snap a little something something off the bad boy.
We spoke to a Dongara man who said he couldn’t get into his Hilux fast enough after seeing the object pop up on some local fishing pages. He told The Times,
“I’d bet my left nut sack the cunny has some copper in it. I really didn’t give a shit, it’s just my Mid West instinct. You leave your shit behind and the feasting begins. Oh did I gorge”
Similarly, a man known to frequent the Jurien Bay/Cervantes areas said he wasn’t going to miss out on some high-tech carbon fibre or whatever. Adding,
“I grabbed some shit off it and am trying to sell it on Marketplace as alien technology. No bites yet but ya know every good angler needs patience ha ha. It’s probably just fkn aluminum or something”
The military has expressed their disappointment that the vultures had already picked the mechanical carcass clean. Adding,
“Our initial intelligence told us that it was within driving range from Geraldton so we tried to deploy the forces as soon as we could. We knew it wouldn’t stand a chance but we had to try and secure what was left of the debris. Fkn hicks”
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?