A Rockingham woman has been left feeling totally dejected after her date failed to leave her dwelling by laying down a fat, obnoxious skid in her driveway at 1 am – the official post-bang ritual performed by residents of the dirty south.
Chartruth thought everything was going well after meeting Jexter at the Rocko foreshore last month. The pair met when Jexter tried to send it on his nephew’s electric scooter and came barrelling into Chartruth’s picnic.
They enjoyed their first date that very afternoon as both needed to attend the emergency room for suspected concussions and some miscellaneous contusions.
Perhaps it was the mild head injuries or maybe it was the pills but Chartruth thought Jexter could be the one. So they arranged to meet up again, this time for dinner at the Hogs Breath Cafe.
Chartruth told The Bell Tower Times,
“He told me I could get whatever I wanted except the prime rib. He must’ve been nervous too because he kept ordering 2 Jack & Cokes for himself each time! He even told me I’d look orrright bouncing up and down on him hehe”
Love was in the air as Jexter, still under the influence of the good shit he got at the hospital, mused about wanting to start another family. Showing her a rare clear spot on his forearm where he said another baby mama’s name could go.
She subsequently enjoyed several hours of the finest futon-based-lovin’ she had ever had. Before Jexter told her he had to get home as some of the boys were up for a sesh. She understood a king must be there for his princes.
It was a perfect night, so you can only imagine her shock when Jexter left her driveway without marking his territory with a thick skid. What had she done wrong? Why didn’t Jexter feel the need to wake up the entire neighbourhood?
We caught up with Jexter who told us,
“She was orright ay, but you know how the price of fuel is. Gotta be 98 for me HSV, and I really can’t spare the extra juice laying fat skids. I told her it was me not her the next day but I could tell she was hurting mate. We’re all hurting at the moment though”
We asked Chartruth if she believed Jexter’s story,
“I want to believe him but about 2 minutes after he left quietly I heard a massive skid. It was pretty quiet on the roads at that point. My brain tells me it was him and I just wasn’t worth a burnout but my heart says it was just some other meathead out for a spin”
To which Jexter replied,
“I told her to come down to The Motorplex this Wednesday to hear what my skids sound like. She’d damn well know if it was my shredding tyres in her neighbourhood”
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?