To say Alex tied one off last night would be an understatement. Starting at 9 am, he was lost in a disgusting binge of Cruisers, deccos, MD, and a fair bit of real grit. He performed well and only had a minor shart over the 36 hours that he was able to disguise with a grundies-ditch in a winery toilet. Alas, it’s now Sunday.
Alex now cuts a ghoulish figure as he haunts his sharehouse battling with the dawning of the reality of a particularly piggish night. He’s now balls-deep into a hypnotic YouTube vortex. One of which he has no control over.
You see, Alex woke up in a clammy pool of regret and loathing and decided to “get back on it” in the morning. Several cones later and he ended up slopping around like a greasy turd in the toilet bowl of life by about midday.
Between now and then, Alex has racked up $90 in UberEATS he’s barely eaten, $24 on Maximus sports drink, and a particularly regrettable OF’s subscription to a girl he used to go to school with. He told The Times,
“I started out with urban farmers. Thought the cute animals would help soothe my biting self-hatred right now. Alas. I’m now onto Doomsday bunkers with a touch of horror stories. Please put me out of my misery”
For about 7 hours, the young man absorbed whatever the YouTube algo had to throw at him. In one particularly regretful moment of the day, he learned how Fabergé eggs were made. All the while, not listening to his body which is literally begging for sleep.
It’s now 9 pm, and Alex is just getting started on a YouTube adventure of the most awkward celebrity interviews of all time. He lies on his couch, dead inside, watching the laptop screen. Slowly slurping on a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, like the disgusting piece of shit he is.
Slowly rubbing his old feller while his housemates keep a wide birth. He told The Times,
“I just cant quit this. I should’ve gone to bed hours ago. I’ve got like 10 PH tabs up if you know what I mean. Why can’t I call it?”
It’s just the way it is mate. Just the way it is.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
