McGowan To Close Borders After Coldplay Arrive In Response To Concert Demand

We have it on good authority that pop superstars Coldplay will not be able to leave the Republic of Westralia until every citizen has had a chance to see their blockbuster concert show at Perth Stadium. 

Then and only then, will they be released from our borders. Naturally, this is slow, boring music to the ears of every Coldplay fan that failed to score a ticket to their two already-announced shows. A spokesperson for the WA Government told The Times,

“It’s clear that Western Australians want Coldplay. So we will deliver Coldplay whether Coldplay wants to deliver the concerts or not. We expect 40 concerts should do the trick and then we’ll give them their passports back”

Some industry insiders are sceptical about the plan. Saying that virus control measures are not suitable for fostering a thriving WA entertainment scene. One insider told The Times,

“You think Tay Tay is going to come if she knows she’ll be locked up for 40 weeks in a hotel and forced to perform 40 shows? She’ll at least want to be staying at The Vines or something”

Nevertheless, Marko is refusing to budge on the plan and has gone as far to reassure the Coldplay stars that there will be plenty of things for them to do during their visit. A spokesperson told The Times,

“We can see the band fitting in real well in the northern suburbs. Maybe pick up a few shifts at Joondalup hospital or get to work on building our sprawl-slums. We always welcome skilled migrants to WA”

It’s understood that Coldplay does not know about the plan to trap them here. However, for how much they are probably getting paid for two shows it still would make economic sense. 

RELATED: WA Coldplay fans demand a trigger warning as Ticketmaster’s system brings back painful memories of booking Rotto accommodation 

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